Honestly lately I have been this thing called LOVE.. not the lovey dovey mushy2 love.. but love your neighbours/ enemies/ friends/ other people kind of love.. eventho come to think of it again, smua love mungkin harusnya sama kali yah.. masa ada tingkatan2nya gituh hehehe..see.. there are so many questions about love that I have at the moment.
A few weeks ago, I realise that it’s harder for me to love/care about others now rather than when I was younger. Why? Maybe because I realise that there are a lot of dodgy people out there, who wouldn’t think twice to take advantage of others, and also as time goes by, I see it more and more that people are just disappointing. I think there was a point when I thought I lost my faith in people (except my closest one of course).. I think all people are the same, they can’t be trusted and they all have their own agenda. And so, daripada gw get hurt later on, it’s better to keep distance and not letting any feeling (i.e. love/care) involve. If I can help, I help but kalo ga bisa yaudah..toh gw juga bukan sapa2nya dia…
Am I happy living like this? Not really… I miss the old me yang kayaknya bsa care sama org freely..yang bisa bertemen n love others easily, tanpa ada itung2an n rasa takut d kepala gw.. I want to have some faith in people again cos yahh.. gw percaya msh ada org baik n honest di dunia ini and jg biarpun mreka not yet kayak gituh, gw yakin mreka bsa berubah.. tp skarang I’m not willing to take that risk again just yet..
Kemaren di greja, khotbah ttg simple Christianity.. and satu pointnya adalah ‘kasihilah sesamamu dng sungguh2’.. I want to do it, but how? Apakah batasan2 or criteria mengasihi dng sungguh2 itu? It’s not that I’m afraid to get hurt, yeah maybe a little..but maybe I’m also afraid that I would hurt other people.. People have certain xpectations of others.. nah, kalo gw ga bisa fulfil xpectations mreka gimana..kan malah jd makin panjang urusannya.. ok lah, love itu bukan about xpectations only tapi juga toleransi dll.. nah, tp kalo ‘the other’ party ga ngerti ttg ini gmana.. kan berabe.. hoh!!
Hmmm..what is this thing called love? I want to understand..
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